On september 19, 2024 i was diagnosed with bowel cancer
on october 22, the surgIcal team at lismore basE hospital removed a 'large mass'
On november 20, my surgeon told me I needed no further treatment
i am very, very lucky
pre-surgery
October 21, 2024
The blue tattoo, poo and you
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Language warning
BOWEL CANCERTesting for bowel cancer uses a simple, at-home test called a faecal occult blood test (FOBT). This test looks for traces of blood in your poop which are invisible and could be a sign of bowel cancer.
People aged 50 to 74 will automatically receive a free test kit in the mail every two years – although there is a rumour that this age may be reduced to get your poop checked earlier. I might be full of shit but I don’t know a lot about poop. Ten years ago when my first screen arrived I looked at it and laughed and thought to myself, ‘I definitely won’t be doing that’. I’m not sure whether I threw it in a drawer or threw it in the bin. Turns out I am a not-so-smart-arse AND full of shit.
The same thing happened every two years after that although as the years passed something in me thought, ‘I probably should do this. I’ll get around to it next week’.
Well, ‘next week’ didn’t arrive until I turned 60 last year and I thought I better do the three big tests, the breast screen, the cervical screen, and the poop test.
Lucky me got a positive result for all of them!
Going back for the follow-up breast screen was really scary. If you know me you know my boobs are massive and the idea of losing one or both of them was terrifying – not because of how I’d look, but because I’d probably lose all my balance and fall over.
The cervical screen came back with a positive result and I have to say, I am very disappointed that after six months I’m still on the waiting list for the follow-up for that surgery – I did actually ask someone who knows about these things, if it’s possible that women are dying while they are waiting – and they said unfortunately, yes. (sad face emoji).
This never happens to meWhen the poop test came back positive I was actually really shocked. I thought ‘WHAT! This shit never happens to me – aren’t I ten foot tall and bulletproof?’
Apparently not.
As I’m an annoying vegan, I just assumed that I’d be fine. There is some research that shows that a plant-based diet can reduce cancers but according to my gastroenterologist (who came into recovery with photos of Neville and showed me the tattoos he put on him) the tumour I have growing has probably been around longer than I’ve been a vegan. If I’d done that initial poop test when I was 50 they probably could’ve snipped them off. Instead of being in surgery today, I’d be at the Billinudgel pub trying their vegan chicken schnitty!
It appears that Neville’s story may have begun before I stopped eating death – maybe ten or 12 years ago – possibly, there are no definites.
Since my diagnosis I have had to tell several people as I will need time off to recover – surprisingly, about half of those people responded with, ‘oh I have one of those in the drawer. I have been meaning to do it…’
But wait… The really, REALLY scary thing is – I had no symptoms. No blood in my poop, no pain in the gutzes – zip, zilch, nada!
If I hadn’t ever done the poop test and only went to the doctor once Neville had erupted, this story may well have been my obituary (very sad face emoji – with tears).
So why am I telling the world about what’s up my butthole?
This whole thing could most likely have been avoided, or at the very least, dealt with easily, if I had just done that bloody test!
She lives!While you have been reading this I am recovering in Lismore Base hospital from the surgery I had yesterday and Neville has been sent packing, and the Earth is back on its axis.
I told my surgeon that he had an uncanny likeness to my nephew – a man who likes to drink and dress up like a Viking. He responded, ‘Great, I’ll sharpen my axe for the surgery!’ This cemented my faith in his ability to do an awesome job, because if you can’t access your humour in this situation, I think you’re probably lost.
People aged 50 to 74 will automatically receive a free test kit in the mail every two years – although there is a rumour that this age may be reduced to get your poop checked earlier. I might be full of shit but I don’t know a lot about poop. Ten years ago when my first screen arrived I looked at it and laughed and thought to myself, ‘I definitely won’t be doing that’. I’m not sure whether I threw it in a drawer or threw it in the bin. Turns out I am a not-so-smart-arse AND full of shit.
The same thing happened every two years after that although as the years passed something in me thought, ‘I probably should do this. I’ll get around to it next week’.
Well, ‘next week’ didn’t arrive until I turned 60 last year and I thought I better do the three big tests, the breast screen, the cervical screen, and the poop test.
Lucky me got a positive result for all of them!
Going back for the follow-up breast screen was really scary. If you know me you know my boobs are massive and the idea of losing one or both of them was terrifying – not because of how I’d look, but because I’d probably lose all my balance and fall over.
The cervical screen came back with a positive result and I have to say, I am very disappointed that after six months I’m still on the waiting list for the follow-up for that surgery – I did actually ask someone who knows about these things, if it’s possible that women are dying while they are waiting – and they said unfortunately, yes. (sad face emoji).
This never happens to meWhen the poop test came back positive I was actually really shocked. I thought ‘WHAT! This shit never happens to me – aren’t I ten foot tall and bulletproof?’
Apparently not.
As I’m an annoying vegan, I just assumed that I’d be fine. There is some research that shows that a plant-based diet can reduce cancers but according to my gastroenterologist (who came into recovery with photos of Neville and showed me the tattoos he put on him) the tumour I have growing has probably been around longer than I’ve been a vegan. If I’d done that initial poop test when I was 50 they probably could’ve snipped them off. Instead of being in surgery today, I’d be at the Billinudgel pub trying their vegan chicken schnitty!
It appears that Neville’s story may have begun before I stopped eating death – maybe ten or 12 years ago – possibly, there are no definites.
Since my diagnosis I have had to tell several people as I will need time off to recover – surprisingly, about half of those people responded with, ‘oh I have one of those in the drawer. I have been meaning to do it…’
But wait… The really, REALLY scary thing is – I had no symptoms. No blood in my poop, no pain in the gutzes – zip, zilch, nada!
If I hadn’t ever done the poop test and only went to the doctor once Neville had erupted, this story may well have been my obituary (very sad face emoji – with tears).
So why am I telling the world about what’s up my butthole?
This whole thing could most likely have been avoided, or at the very least, dealt with easily, if I had just done that bloody test!
She lives!While you have been reading this I am recovering in Lismore Base hospital from the surgery I had yesterday and Neville has been sent packing, and the Earth is back on its axis.
I told my surgeon that he had an uncanny likeness to my nephew – a man who likes to drink and dress up like a Viking. He responded, ‘Great, I’ll sharpen my axe for the surgery!’ This cemented my faith in his ability to do an awesome job, because if you can’t access your humour in this situation, I think you’re probably lost.
post surgery
November 26, 2024
One of the things I LOVE to do is swim – today I got to do that!
On September 19 I found out I had colon cancer or as most people hear it called: bowel cancer.On October 22 a surgical team blew up my belly with air, kind of like a hot air balloon, then fossicked around until they took "a large mass" out.On November 20 – two months from my diagnosis, my surgeon told me the surgery was a success and I was free to go.(I will of course need checks in the next few months and years)
Most of you know that I was very naughty and didn't do my poop test and this whole episode could most likely be avoided.
I am lucky – very, VERY lucky. The outcome could have been much, much, VERY MUCH worse. I can't stress enough the importance of doing the bowel screen, but, I am going to give you all a rest from that nagging for a while - I suspect I'll drag it out at anniversaries etc…
I also can't stress enough the challenge for my mental health over these weeks post surgery – I went under the knife with clarity and a knowledge that everything was going to be ok – faith that the surgical team was capable, and I had a very positive attitude. Yet I was very fuzzy for at least three weeks post surgery and am still not back to my skilfully sharp-witted self .
The power and fragility of the mind should never, EVER be underestimated.
The overarching take away from this entire part of my life is gratitude.
I am grateful that I live in a country that no matter how shit it can be sometimes, that an un-financially-sound person can have this for the cost of the annual medicare levy.
I am grateful that for the surgical team, the colonoscopy mob, the imaging folk, the staff and cleaners and cooks and last but definitely not least, the nurses at Lismore Base - I can't even…
I am grateful for my family who were stellar the entire time and held me and loved me and supported me and made space for this in THEIR lives, no questions asked – Grace is an actual angel..I am grateful for David - I have no words… .I am so, so grateful for all the mob who have read and responded to my many delirious posts on social media – who have indulged me with a forum to pour out my precarious thoughts and ideas and injectables posts (Clexane sucks, but also helped save my life) without being sympathetic (I really hate that stuff). My friends all have actually been the best mental health therapy in the last month – better than I could have asked for from a professional – thank you. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
On September 19 I found out I had colon cancer or as most people hear it called: bowel cancer.On October 22 a surgical team blew up my belly with air, kind of like a hot air balloon, then fossicked around until they took "a large mass" out.On November 20 – two months from my diagnosis, my surgeon told me the surgery was a success and I was free to go.(I will of course need checks in the next few months and years)
Most of you know that I was very naughty and didn't do my poop test and this whole episode could most likely be avoided.
I am lucky – very, VERY lucky. The outcome could have been much, much, VERY MUCH worse. I can't stress enough the importance of doing the bowel screen, but, I am going to give you all a rest from that nagging for a while - I suspect I'll drag it out at anniversaries etc…
I also can't stress enough the challenge for my mental health over these weeks post surgery – I went under the knife with clarity and a knowledge that everything was going to be ok – faith that the surgical team was capable, and I had a very positive attitude. Yet I was very fuzzy for at least three weeks post surgery and am still not back to my skilfully sharp-witted self .
The power and fragility of the mind should never, EVER be underestimated.
The overarching take away from this entire part of my life is gratitude.
I am grateful that I live in a country that no matter how shit it can be sometimes, that an un-financially-sound person can have this for the cost of the annual medicare levy.
I am grateful that for the surgical team, the colonoscopy mob, the imaging folk, the staff and cleaners and cooks and last but definitely not least, the nurses at Lismore Base - I can't even…
I am grateful for my family who were stellar the entire time and held me and loved me and supported me and made space for this in THEIR lives, no questions asked – Grace is an actual angel..I am grateful for David - I have no words… .I am so, so grateful for all the mob who have read and responded to my many delirious posts on social media – who have indulged me with a forum to pour out my precarious thoughts and ideas and injectables posts (Clexane sucks, but also helped save my life) without being sympathetic (I really hate that stuff). My friends all have actually been the best mental health therapy in the last month – better than I could have asked for from a professional – thank you. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
What is bowel cancer?
What is bowel cancer?
Bowel cancer is the second biggest cause of cancer death in Australia. You have an increased risk of bowel cancer as you age. It can develop without any family history and show no signs or symptoms.
It can happen in any part of the colon or rectum (parts of the lower digestive system). Bowel cancer cells can start growing from the inner lining of the bowel or from small growths on the bowel wall called adenomas or polyps.
If it is not found, bowel cancer can spread into the wall of the bowel, lymph nodes (glands) and then to other organs.
If found early, 90 per cent of bowel cancers can be successfully treated. Don’t delay, do your bowel cancer test today! cancer.org.au/bowelscreening